Posted by: comfortjunkie | July 24, 2008

When you know it might be time to quit drinking: tip #53

I was leaving to go to the camp this morning when I nearly tripped over a big ass turtle sitting on my patio. Since I couldn’t eat it, I picked it up to see if it was injured in some way. It seemed fine since it tried to eat me. At least we have something in common.

I did not have time for turtle rescue, so I put the turtle down in the grass and figured he could hang out there until I got back. I can’t for the life of me figure out how a giant turtle got into my yard in the first place. I have a high wall and gates that are not high enough off the ground for turtle passing. My only thought is that someone knows I’ll take care of animals so they chucked the turtle in my yard.

I came home fully planning on making a turtle box for Jesus, my new turtle, but he was gone. I walked through the grass trying to find him, because it makes even less sense that he could have escaped the yard. Of course, he’s green and my grass is high, so maybe he’s still hiding in it. I’ll check again when it gets cooler out. You would think I could spot a big turtle though. Maybe Snow and McCavity II took him for a walk? Maybe the neighbors are making terrapin soup? Maybe it’s my pink elephant and I should taper off the absinthe and opium?

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