Posted by: comfortjunkie | August 9, 2008

Just another chick bitching about her weight

Yeah, I’m unhappy with how I look, hence my tremendous anxiety about yesterday’s interview. I never had a problem with weight until about 7-8 years ago, I gained some and lost it and now it’s all back. I’m not obese. I am approx. 15 lbs over the maximum healthy weight for my height. Fortunately, I think I carry it well, but I’m still not happy about it. The problem is that I hate to exercise and I hate to eat right–scratch that, I am too lazy to eat right. But this has got to change because although there is nothing wrong with size 14, I’m not bumping up a size, in fact, I want to drop two. And let’s face it, when you see someone who is morbidly obese, you wonder, “how did they ever let themselves get to that size?” It’s because they never looked at the scale and went into shock and then took drastic measure to reverse the weight gain that they were packing on. They stayed apathetic until they reached maximum density and myriad health problems.

So last night I was reading the archives on the Violent Acres blog and came across this article that made all the sense in the world to me. People aren’t fat because they lack willpower, they are fat because of how they prioritize their money. True dat. I have long bought shit I didn’t need with money I didn’t have when I could have had a personal trainer and a chef (or at the very least low-fat Dream Dinners). In another post I found something that I really, really liked: brainwashing. Brainwashing does work. With enough time and motivation, you can convince yourself of anything.

When I am hungry, I will tell myself I am not. When I don’t want to go the gym, I will tell myself I do. When I am in agony and miserable and feeling deprived, I will tell myself how thrilled I am and how great I feel. I will be the new master of mind control!

Where I live gyms are cheap, trainers are cheap and hell, even chefs are cheap. I don’t have any excuse to not throw money at my body and my health. I can join the pilates studio and do all the pilates and yoga I want all month for $40. I won’t keep junk food in the house, instead relying on fresh berries, yogurt and fruit for my sugar fix. Good-bye pasta and rice. I’m keeping the whole grain bread and tortillas though and I’m focusing on portion control. But most of all, I like the idea of throwing money at my body.

I read another blog post that I really related too a while back but I can’t remember where it was or find the link, but the author finally realized (after umpteen years of paying for unused gym memberships) that she really hates the gym. Instead she thought back to when she was a child to what physical things she used to like to do then (dance) and got herself into some dance classes. Well, I was also a sedentary child who has blessed with good genes and a high metabolism. I suppose I walked a lot more when I was a kid, but that was the extent of my exercise. I didn’t play many organized sports. I preferred reading and writing to anything outdoors. So I can’t look backwards at that but I can realize that I hate the gym and I love swimming and frolicking in the ocean and so I need to refocus on that and make a point to get my ass into the ocean or pool 2-3x per week for some swimming. Scuba is great exercise and since I can do that for free, I should be doing it a lot more. When I lived in Portland, for a while I would get up at 6am and run. I actually really liked the stillness of the morning and enjoyed the run a lot. Here I’m actually fairly concerned about being chased by aggressive dogs, so I think that’s out for me plus even at 6am, it’s pretty freakin’ hot here now. Winter maybe…at least beach walking. I’m only five miles from the beach.

So anyway, there’s my commitment to reprioritizing my crap and getting to a size 8 by Christmas.

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