Posted by: comfortjunkie | August 10, 2008

How can you top that?

So yesterday was quite obviously the best day since the Saturday before when I did the exact same thing. Actually, yesterday was better because there were less bits of palm trees and floating sea-crap in the water, a lot less. Yesterday combined all of the things I love best; swimming (in the ocean AND a pool), cold showers, sunbathing, reading, napping and eating. It was a festival of awesome. How can I top that on a Sunday?

Well, I can’t. Instead it’s 11am, I’m drinking cold coffee, lying on the couch in my PJs covered with cat hair and sweating from the top of my head. It’s going to be hot today. Oh, and I have squirrel mouth. If I knew for certain that I would be getting paid before my trip next weekend, I would round up some cash and go to the spa in the marina and get a massage and pedicure today, but I don’t know that, so I can’t. Instead I will be spending the day in my house doing one or more of these exciting things:

1) Working (writing advertising copy for a client)

2) Reading The Last Town on Earth (which is really good and I hate historical fiction)

3) Watching season 1 of Entourage

4) Napping while sweating out of every pore not exposed to moving air

5) Playing video games

6) Eating salad and taking prescription weight loss drugs that I can buy over the counter because I live in a country that has no need for your fascist controlled substances laws.

Bwah ha ha ha. That’s right. I live in the land of self diagnosis and no prescriptions needed except for really good stuff. After doing some internet research about the most commonly prescribed weight loss drugs, I’ve decided to prescribe me some and see what happens. Why? Because I can. I fully expected to be denied at the pharmacy. After all, the drugs are a class-controlled substance in the US. I wrote down a couple of options and took it to the lady at the supermarket when I was purchasing my $2 box of naproxen. To my surprise, she rustled it all up AND it was a 2×1 offer! Two boxes of prescription class-controlled weight loss drugs for one low price ($40). I love this country. I really do.

I could not remember whether the drug that I just bought was the one that listed, “aggressive tendencies with an urge to attack” as one of the side effects or not. That really is a side effect of one of the two I had written down, but I think (at least I hope) that those were for Sinpet (great name for a drug) not the stuff I got which is under the brand name of Meridia. Either way, I suggest to my friends that if I suddenly lunged at any of them with a plastic knife by the pool, that they should tackle me and tie me up (preferably in the shade).

I was not feeling particularly aggressive yesterday (how could I? did you see the pictures?) nor was I feeling all “speedy” like when I tried Dexatrim in high school (oh to be 110 lbs again and still have the feeling that I needed to lose weight…thanks unrealistic media portrayals of women’s bodies, thanks!).

According to my research, taking Meridia with a reduced calorie diet will help me “loose tons of weight for real LOL,” according to the respected sources at Yahoo! Answers. I can’t hardly wait.


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