Posted by: comfortjunkie | August 15, 2008

What a crap day.

It’s 10am and it’s already a crap day. In fact, the crappiness of today is only surpassed of the crappiness from last night. See? there really are bad days in paradise.

I am fighting with Tsunami. What kind of person fights with a pet chihuahua? Me. I do. Everything night we have the same routine. When I’m ready to go to bed, I order everyone out of the house for a bathroom break. Every night it is the same thing. Every once in a while, things do not go as planned. The dogs just look at me. I order them downstairs. They stare at me like I just learned to speak tagalog. I stomp my way towards them, they move a few stairs down and stare at me. Last night I forced Tsunami down into the yard and was determined to sit there until he went potty. I did this because I am the boss. If I order him to go potty and then he doesn’t and I let him back in the house, he is the boss and he is rewarded for not following directions. And he pees on the rug.

I cannot explain to you my rage after 45 minutes of sitting in the rain waiting for my dog to pee while he sat in the wet grass and stared at me with his beady little eyes. I was going to leave him out all night but since one of my dogs was already stolen, I didn’t want that to happen to him so eventually I had to let him back in the house but I’m still not speaking to him.

This morning the plan was to let him out, make him go potty and then praise him to the high heavens like he just cured cancer and then let him back in the house and all was good. But no. This morning he would not go potty either. Probably because he got up earlier than me and most likely peed on a rug somewhere, asshole. So I locked his ass outside without breakfast and I’m not letting him in the house. In fact, I’m about thisclose to making all of the goddamn animals outside animals.

But aside from the behavioral problems of my pets, last night I started getting all worked up about the fact that I seem to hate writing fiction. I do think that any moron can write a book, not a good book, but a book nonetheless. But I don’t want to write shitty books, even if they are published. And so when I sat down to write for the last few days, it was actual real work and I loathed every word I wrote. Or more precisely, I couldn’t care any less about the words I was writing. It’s depressing.

While I was being depressed about that and trying to figure out how I could keep my challenge of writing a draft a month going without writing any fiction (or perhaps I’m trying the wrong genre first?), I started thinking about the date and how I have to either avoid this guy or tell him I don’t want to see him again and he’s emailing me and texting me about seeing this movie. I started feeling all stressed out and irritated like I do when I’m feeling unduly pressured which only increased my aggravation.

Since I was now aggravated, I started thinking about the client who blew off the meeting we had yesterday, causing me to drive more than 30 minutes across town just to be stood up. I just cashed his check so I have to at least finish this month. If something else comes up this month, I’ll be terminating the relationship next month. I don’t care if it is free money. I cannot work with people who don’t respect my time and won’t reply to my emails. I didn’t move down here to have the same irritations that I had working for jerks in the States. In fact, if I had my druthers, I’d never work with or for another human being again.  I can’t even think of any careers I could possibly have where I could completely avoid other people. Hermit, but I hear the pay is crap.

I am also angry with the lawyer I am using to renew my immigration paperwork. It’s so convoluted and complicated and of course, they need 2,000 copies of everything including my DNA and I just want to pay them to take care of it. I do not care what it costs at this point. Just DO IT. Whatever it takes. Stop emailing me non-answers to my questions and send me a total amount of money I have to pay and how much I need to drop off at the office and DO YOUR JOB. The name of the company is Simpler Days and it is not simple at all. I’ve been emailing this stupid woman for weeks and still can’t get an answer out of her. If i wanted to run around to government offices to collect paperwork and copies and bullshit like that, I’d do the whole goddamn process by myself. That’s what I’m PAYING YOU FOR.

So basically, I’m irritated, aggravated, angry, enraged, exasperated, depressed and annoyed. I hate everyone and everything.

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