Posted by: comfortjunkie | September 8, 2008

I’m never answering my phone again.

Ever. I hate that stupid thing. So I get up and get dressed and truck halfway across town, argue with yet another paranoid nazi security guard only to find that I’ve been lured to the office of a tourist publication who wants me to convince one of my clients to advertise with them. I’m not an ad buyer. I present information and the client decides. The whole thing took 10 minutes and left me incredibly annoyed. He was probably talking with his mouth full of marbles on purpose to throw me off.

To console myself and because it’s gotten to the point where I’m actually embarrassed to be seen with my feet in public, I went to the marina for a pedicure. I managed to cut a deal where I got a 75 minute massage and pedicure for $45. I like deals.

I was given my massage by a strapping young man, who I told, as I do with all my masseurs, that I like a lot of pressure. I’m a stress case. I need a hard massage. The whole thing ended up being so ridiculous and bad that I couldn’t even get pissed about it. It was like being massage by an epileptic during a seizure. Fits and starts, weird pounding and grasping of my flesh completely without rhythm. When he was done with a particular limb, he would drop it without ceremony back onto the table. He also kept shoving the table around the room for some unknown reason. So relaxing. The back part wasn’t bad but the rest was awful and to top it off, he would randomly come up and scratch my head, like I do with my dogs, exactly three times and then move off to some other part of my body. This brought back terrible memories of Stalker 1: The Petter. How I made it through 75 minutes without just walking out is anyone’s guess. At least my pedicure, given to me by a very nice transgendered person, was pleasant and turned out great.

My ad was flagged and removed from CL, how shocking. Craigslist has turned into the biggest piece of shit ever. I used to love CL but the flaggers are in total control. It’s not even worth it to post something legitimate. It’s pathetic and sad that people have nothing better to do than sit around and police ads. Curious, I headed to the CL flag forum where I found the saddest and most pathetic losers ever “helping” people by critiquing their ads like they were entered into some literary competition. It doesn’t matter if the ad doesn’t actually meet any of the reasons for flagging (miscatagorized, prohibited, spam), instead now in order for the hive mind to keep your ad up, you have to post a photo in your personals ad, you need a phone number to sell your car, you can’t misspell anything, and so on and so on. I mean, people could just IGNORE the ads that they don’t like, but that would be too simple. It’s so much nicer to sit around in your little cubicle and pretend like you are an ONLINE CLASSIFIED AD GOD. Well, have fun flaggers! It’s probably the only power and prestige you will have in your sad little lives (except for those times you ascend from your basement and manage to get the remote away from your grandma).

Now I’m going to take a nap.

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