Posted by: comfortjunkie | September 14, 2008

Fractured

The last week has been remarkably unpleasant for me. Not only because of the on again, off again symptoms of detoxing from antidepressants, but because I feel like I’ve been running a marathon only to realize later that I never left the starting point.

The only effects I am having now is an exaggerated “goose walked over your grave” type of chills and shudder, as if the goose might actually have 20,000 watts running through it and my coffin was made of sheet metal.  It comes and it goes.

A much bigger problem is that I’m juggling too much at once and have no plan and no focus. My book, the guidebook, three clients, blogs, trying to keep the work pump primed, querying articles, lining up promotional type stuff… I sit down at the computer at 7-8am and then suddenly it’s 8pm and I hardly feel like I’ve accomplished anything. I’m still a little emotionally raw from the drugs so even the most minor of setbacks or inconveniences make me want to cry from frustration. I think it’s about time I made myself a written plan and a schedule. This never works for long, but it will help me get out of my rut.

To that end, I thought I was going to leave the house today and go do something relaxing or recreational, but once again that didn’t happen. What did happen is that I completed the first essay for my next book, I received an invitation to join a blog network for a new blog that I’m launching to support my first book and I did a bunch of client work this morning. I almost got to take a nap but as usual once I laid down the doorbell rang. I won’t complain though because it was my neighbors coming to buy my other living room set. Now I’ve got a little extra money and when my brother gets here in a few days, he won’t have to climb over the sofa to get to his bed in the guest room.

I’ve decided that I’m being ridiculous about my expectations for a headshot for my publisher, and I’m going to ditch the whole thing that I had planned and just take some normal black and white shots of me in normal clothing probably at the beach or maybe still at the zoo. I tend to over complicate things and right now I need to focus on simplifying. If my life is nuts now, what will it be like when I have one month to complete the entire section on PV and another four months to complete the whole book? I just found out that two more books are available for areas near here, so there’s a good chance that if I don’t screw this up too badly, I can start working on another shortly after it’s complete.

On the off chance that one of you is or knows a graphic designer, I’m looking for someone to design me a logo and a custom WordPress template for my new blog. Just the hassle of trying to find someone affordable and reliable is enough to almost make me sit down and learn Illustrator so I can make my own damn logo and then I’ll have to learn PHP too so I can make the damn template. I don’t have time to do either so please, if you know of anyone, leave a comment. Last summer I spend nearly five months teaching myself Photoshop so that I could retouch all of my own photos as well as create some really weird photo collages. As it is, I’m probably going to have to buckle down and learn In-Design  for another project (I get exhausted just typing that) that I’m working on for a client.

In the spirit of a true cat blog: In contemplating my cat, Grace O’Malley, I realized that the feature I love best about her is her nose. Sometimes, depending on unknown factors, her nose is so pale it is almost white. Other times it is rosy and pink. I don’t know what causes these changes but it’s fascinating.

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