Posted by: comfortjunkie | September 19, 2008

What if you aren’t my friend?

I’m not a friend collector. I don’t add people I don’t know to Facebook just so it can look like I’m super popular with 23,000 friends. I deleted my MySpace account (one of the more liberating moments of my life) because i was tired of the spam and my stupid friends falling for hacker tricks and getting their passwords stolen. So now I’ve got two friend requests pending on FB from people I actually know BUT I don’t consider them friends. Frankly, I don’t want to approve them. I’m FaceSnubbing them. One was sort of a friend until she took advantage of my generosity in absolutely ridiculous proportions and the other is the spouse of a real friend who, as far as I can tell, has maintained civility towards me because her husband likes me. I use the term civility lightly because it’s actually more like ignoring me and/or being somewhat condescending. Remarkably BOTH of these people really like to visit to Mexico…how strange.

I always get in trouble when I talk shit on my blog, but what can I do? I haven’t heard boo from my “friend” in exactly ONE YEAR which was when she returned from her last trip to Mexico in fact. And surprise…she hinted at wanting to come again this year. I opened the email because it was just so fucking predictable that I literally LAUGHED out loud. Seriously, there was almost no effort to disguise the true purpose of the email (to get a free place to stay). People think they are so sly, but they really, really are not.

Take another ex-friend for example. Takes MONTHS to respond to my emails when I moved here. Literally, months, like 2-3 months. Some emails were just ignored. And this person was supposed to be one of my best friends. I even broached the subject nicely a few times, about how I was feeling ignored and how (at the time) lonely I was and how I really needed to keep connected with some friends. Ignored. Then when her ex-boyfriend comes to visit me (completely platonic, totally just friends and a trip they had planned to take together until their relationship ended), suddenly I can’t beat her off with a bat. I get emails and phone calls and emails to make sure that I got the phone calls. That was the last straw. She had no interest in me or what I was up to, only wanted dirt and information on her ex. That was the end of that friendship. To be honest, now that I’m friends with her ex, I feel like I traded up significantly.

Again, it’s not like there was even an attempt to be sly about it. Denial after the fact is laughable. Mama didn’t raise no idjits. This recent email marks the beginning of the season of suck-ups. Last winter I started hearing from people I hadn’t spoken to in YEARS.

“Oh hey, I can’t believe you moved to Mexico! Can you get me a job?” <–actually email I received from THREE different people last October/November. Three people that I would not characterize as friends.

“Hey, I saw you are living in Mexico now. I’ve never been…do you have a guest room? Ha HA!” <–not really a joke, is it?

And so begins my usual rant about how I totally don’t mind people staying in my guest room but have some common courtesy. You are staying for a week for FREE. PITCH IN. I ferry these people around, sightseeing, wasting gas, taking them to and from the airport for FREE. They stay in my house, eat my food, drink my liquor and don’t offer to buy groceries or even to replace the entire bottle(s) of vodka they drank (AHEM, ex-friend). They want to go to nice restaurants and do expensive things when they know I’m a writer and make no money and never once offer to pay. And you want to come back and do it again? Uh. No?

My other friends, however, bring me presents from the US, pay for meals, chip in for gas and generally take the burden off me financially to have them here so that I can enjoy their company instead of seething in silent resentment. One friend restocked my liquor cabinet so well, I STILL haven’t made it through all the booze she bought AND she not only bought me dinner, she MADE me dinner! She also has an open invitation to stay for any period of time she likes, forever.

In other news, I woke up to a 100% cat shit free house this morning! I dropped the kittens off last night and suffered through the car ride with them sitting in their little box, staring at me, judging me. I feel awful and guilty. 😦


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