Posted by: comfortjunkie | September 28, 2008

So Much for that Idea

I think I’ve been bitten by a tsetse fly. There’s no other explanation. Yesterday I had big plans to go out and do some adventuring and my plan was to leave the house by 11. If I had stuck to my plan, I might have made it out yesterday but instead by noon I was overcome with this wave of sheer exhaustion, as in, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. It’s not that I don’t get enough sleep, I do. I get about 7-8 hours per night. I’ve been sick lately, yes so perhaps that has something to do with it and I’m STILL suffering side effects from that stupid medication. Do you see how evil SSRIs are? Poison. I still have intermittent waves of dizziness and I think part of the feeling of exhaustion has to do with them as well. Add the fact that it’s just been Africa hot lately and well, I couldn’t fight it. At noon I went back to bed and I slept.

A cat nap? No. I slept for three hours, THREE HOURS of thick, deep, dark sleep punctuated with dreams of writers and editors and PR people. When I finally got up, I knew I had to repent so I loaded up my uTorrent queue and then cleaned out my junk drawer. I did my dishes too and then I sat down at my computer with a copy of Dramatica, a software program for fiction writers and I spent several hours fleshing out a book idea that I’ve been kicking around. If I can manage to write the whole thing and make it presentable, it will make one hell of a movie. The software is what I needed to really make progress. You see, my brain is like a prism so when the light of creativity hits it, it shoots all over the place making cute, distracting little rainbows. It’s too easy to just bat at the rainbows and never get any work done. The software made me think and focus, just like my writing classes, which is why I love, love, love workshops and courses. If I were the idle rich, I would do nothing but take art and writing classes and workshops and go on retreats. What I really need is a benefactor…but I’d settle for a rich husband if I had to.

Today, this morning, I’m going to tinker around with a new little piece of software that is supposed to change my life. I got this one to help keep me focused on my to-do lists and my client responsibilities. I signed two new clients on Friday, doubling my monthly income but also doubling my workload. Add that to my guidebook writing gig and I know I need to step up and get organized. I don’t want my client’s business to suffer because I’m a scatterbrain.

The other thing I realized from using the Dramatica software is that my brain is fat and lazy. I used to be really smart and I used to use my brain a lot. I exercised it with puzzles, books, films (instead of movies), debates, documentaries, and anything that I could learn. Now my brain is the equivalent of a Sunday football husband that sits on the couch and eats nachos while scratching itself. My brain has been wrapped in bacon and deep fried. What’s even more horrifying is that even in my near catatonic state, I still seem to be one of the sharper tools in the shed. My dyslexia is at an all-time high. I’m not sure what you call replacing the word you meant to use with another, random word, but I’ve got that going on as well. I rely completely on spellcheck (sad) when I’m writing instead of actually knowing and learning how to spell words. BAD BRAIN! So my brain is going to the gym and I’m going to see if I can’t manage to get a little smarter, a little more cerebrally perkier in the coming months.

I have not been going to pilates. My last class there was so frustrating and …frustrating that I just didn’t go back. It’s enough that the entire class is in Spanish (which it should be, I am in Mexico after all) which means I can never just relax into the exercises because I must always be watching the other people and the instructor vigilantly, but the last time we were going to use the big yoga balls. I was excited about this because I like the big yoga balls. I need one at my house. Anyway, the class was super full and only about 1/2 of the people got a ball. I was one of them. However, every time I went to use the ball, I was told not to in Spanish and made to do the exercises that the rest of the class was doing. EVERY TIME. It was frustrating because I didn’t know WHY and it was kind of embarrassing to be singled out so I didn’t go back. Plus the class was so crowded that i couldn’t even do most of the exercises without kicking or smacking the person either in front or behind me. Like I said, I’m a giant in this country with big long monkey arms. (I have some exes with long monkey arms too and I always called them ‘knuckle-draggers’).

While my brother was here, I ate like a normal person. Several meals a day (healthy still, mostly) and I didn’t skimp on anything. I was worried about getting back on the scale to see what damage I had wrought. I finally got on this morning and TA-DA! No damage, in fact, I’ve lost a total of 12 lbs so far which over six weeks, means i’m losing it slowly enough to be safe (dammit). If I continue at 2lbs a week, I could potentially reach my pre-college goal weight well before my birthday in March, like by the end of January.

For my birthday I am taking a vacation, quite likely a Hawaiian or Mexican cruise. I’ve invited a few friends and my sibs to come with because the book will be done by then and I’ll be celebrating the fact that I’m turning 36 and will have achieved two lifelong goals: moving to Mexico and being a published author. March is a ways away, so I could potentially be celebrating published my own book too or at least another book with the publisher for the guidebooks since there are two more that I’m the obvious choice for.

I thought about Vegas, but Vegas is not cheap for me. I like to gamble. A lot. A lot, a lot.  I cannot justify paying $200 for show tickets or $30 for a roller coaster ride either, so other than lie by the pool (which I can do anywhere), there’s not much to do in Vegas for me but gamble. Three days in Vegas for me can easily cost more than a week long cruise. What I’d REALLY like to do is go to Turkey but i know my friends can’t afford that and I want to spend my birthday with my peeps since i’ve been isolated down here in the jungle. Turkey will have to wait until summer…but I found I can get there for $1k so then it’s just a matter of hotel, food and turkish baths. Mmmmm.

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