Posted by: comfortjunkie | September 30, 2008

Andromeda Strain

Last night I watched Andromeda Strain, a movie that was apparently made for the Sci-fi channel and a remake of the original. First of all, no one told me that Ricky Schroeder was in it. I had the absolute biggest crush on him ever when I was a kid (and devoted Silver Spoons fan). More than anything, I wanted to be his girlfriend and live in his mansion and sleep in his race car bed.

From a story perspective, I mean it’s a great story. The bodies pile up immediately and are very grotesque. Plus it has nuclear explosions in it and regular explosions. And secret labs miles under the earth. What’s not to like? So from that angle, I enjoyed it. <stop reading now if you plan on watching it and don’t want spoilers>

But let’s be honest…the rainbow coalition casting was kind of silly. Asian, black, Latino, woman, gay. Seriously. Bonus points for making the asian a north korean and not an American. Ricky’s character would randomly pipe up with the most ridiculous dialog and because the viewer had to know what was going on, the characters had lots of monologues that expounded the obvious, things that any decent scientist would know. Hell, some of it was obvious to ME. I was still enjoying it until the end <seriously, I’m going to tell you how it ends right now> when Benjamin Bratt, token Latino, is wounded and battered and crawling at the speed of a sloth towards the panel where he can terminate the self destruct sequence that will blow up the lab with everyone in it, set off a nuclear warhead and spread the virus all over the world. It was so drawn out and stupid, him crawling a little and collapsing, crawling and resting, so that there was 20 seconds to go and he can’t get the card in the reader and then because he’s also blinded (sigh) he can’t press Ricky’s severed thumb on the panel… I wanted them to blow up. If he couldn’t suck it up and be blinded by steam and be wounded and beat down like a man, he deserved to die. Bastard. I was yelling at the TV at this point – suck it up, you <expletive>!!! I wanted to kill him myself. Just give me the damn thumb, I’ll do it.

Still, despite the myriad flaws in the adaptation, I was entertained. I especially liked the part when the pilot in the military jet disintegrated.

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