The Best Revenge

In the Docudramedy that is my life, meet the cast:

The star of the show.

Wubby Dawg

I took Wub in as a foster case when the humane society was going to put him to sleep. Given his penchant for lunging at people with sunglasses and large key rings, it’s no surprise he didn’t get adopted. That was eight years ago. He’s about 12-13 now and has terrible allergies and an immune disorder than makes him look like a mangy hyena, but he’s MY mangy hyena.

Tsunami

Tsunami got his big break in Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever and had a reoccurring role in the popular, long-running drama Full House where he played the cousin of John Stamos’ character. Originally from Chirania, Tsunami has overcome racism and speciesism to become the heartthrob that all of American dreams about when they go to sleep.

Grace O'Malley Malley

Named after a female pirate, Grace O’Malley Malley is a neurotic Siamese mix currently going through her bratty teenage growth phase. Her role model is Marylin Monroe, as she never meows above a breathy whisper.

Intrepid Explorer Apollo Creed

Apollo is a mexi-cat that I adopted from a cat ranch for wayward cats on my birthday. He’s the tallest cat I’ve ever seen. He can scale walls. He enjoys killing.

Snowball Bon-Bon Deathclaw, the One-Eyed Wondercat

Poor Snow. Another cat ranch adoptee, Snow was in some kind of terrible accident wherein she lost one eye, a fang, and mangled part of her body. She’s a head-butter, a drooler, and a big fluffy marshmallow (unless she thinks you are going to feed her to a dog, in which case she will shred your face off). She’s never bonded with the rest of the group but she’s made friends with the cat who lives under the stairs, McCavity.

Ophelia AKA Bones

I found Ophelia and her sister Milagra in front of my house, huddled together on the cement walkway, both starving, literally swarming with fleas and perhaps a day or two from death. I took them in, nursed them back to health and they are currently up for adoption because nothing says ‘spinster’ like a single woman with five cats.

Milagra

Sister to Ophelia, Milagra was the healthier of the two kittens. She wrestles with Tsunami, beats on her sister, bullies for food and run away like the devil himself were after her when approached by a cat toy.

Paradise

Paradise plays a big role in my life. I’ve lived here for a year and half so far and can’t believe it myself. Moving here marks the achievement of one of my life’s longest and important goals.